Surfing or sex?
Inspired by the article “surfing vs the no pants dance” in Surf Europe #81 and years of cliches, I decided to give some serious thought to “what is better, surfing or sex?”.
I realise that both surfing and sex are about more than the physical activity, and that primal emotion influences our need for both. Chances are if you ask any surfer what they think is better, it will depend on how long they have been without one or the other.
As a middle aged surfer-dad, I’m not getting much of either. That’s why I want to talk about it – to keep the memories alive.
You might argue that sex and surfing are so different they are not even comparable. You’d be wrong, don’t believe me? Read on:
What sex and surfing have in common
1. Size matters – the bigger the ride, the more attention and respect you’ll get
2. Gotta get wet – it hurts when it’s dry
3. Adrenaline rush – riding the tube is an enlightening experience
4. Live longer – makes you happy and keeps you fit
5. Addiction – without a regular fix you get depressed
6. Aroma – after a session you smell salty with a hint of rubber
7. Exotic holidays – Weston-super-mare doesn’t scream “sun, sea, surf and sex”
8. Backdoor – is always a thrill
9. Rarely available when you want it – high pressure dominating
So what is better?
When I started to think about it and compare the two, I began playing “I have never” in my head.
Without having to explain the rules in detail; if I say “I have never done something whilst having sex”, that means I have done something when surfing, and vice versa. You’ll get the idea.
In favour of sex:
1. I have never had a 5 minute surf and been satisfied
2. I have never enjoyed a busy line up when surfing
3. I have never surfed after 10 pints and a kebab
4. I have never surfed in a portaloo
5. I have never been able to simulate surfing by sitting on my left hand for a long time
In favour of surfing:
1. I have never woken up after a good surf and thought “oh my god no”
2. I have never been scorned for riding a mates board, no matter how roughly
3. I have never been slapped for waxing my board to get more grip
4. I have never felt guilty about riding more than one board
5. I have never seen a crab I wouldn’t eat when surfing
6. I have never been called an old perv for going to Asia for amazing waves
7. I have never been slapped for getting a ‘beaches’ name wrong
In the short time I have spent pondering this philosophical debate, I have come to a conclusion.
There is more in common between surfing and sex than you may think. Whilst sex has many things in it’s favour, surfing has more positive points that spring to mind. Therefore surfing is better than sex, but both are too good to live without.